Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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