Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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