I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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