Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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