I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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