I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
