I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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