I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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