Small penises have feelings too.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
