Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I look better un-naked...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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