I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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