I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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