I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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