look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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