I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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