I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
