my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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