some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Im part way to drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
