it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
