Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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