Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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