Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
