Did you just see the Batmobile???
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
