I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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