i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
