Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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