its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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