I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
