I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
