In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize