You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
