Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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