woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
