You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I could fuck to npr.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
