Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i barfeds in our rink
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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