sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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