My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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