I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
