we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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