Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
