hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize