think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
