I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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