It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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