I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
