Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Randomize
