he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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