I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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