u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
