whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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