I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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