I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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