saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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