Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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