why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize