You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
