he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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