I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
