shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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