i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
