it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
