the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
