i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
