What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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