Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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