Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
