i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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