I will die if light touches me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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