If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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