D3 body, D1 cock
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
