I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
