You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
