the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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