I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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