I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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