stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
