Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
